Category: guestwriter

Why swiping right is not always the answer | Guest Writer Skye Pember

After spending the last 2 years of my 14 year relationship and marriage feeling very lonely and unloved, what was the first thing I did when I separated from my now ex husband?

You guessed it, I signed up for Tinder and started swiping.  Mainly to the left (that means i’m not interested) but the right swipe got a lot of interest as well.  At first it was a lot of fun, it was like a smorgasbord of men and I could say yes or no in 1 second!

It was quite a powerful feeling. I got a lot of matches, which meant I got a lot of ego satisfaction.  It was almost like a little ‘yes’ moment, I got a match, this must validate how amazing I am.

Except it really didn’t.  For every right swipe and match, at least 1 out of 3 would be an immediate unmatch, meaning these guys swipe on every girl and when they get a match they decide if they like her or not. Such a good feeling for an insecure woman who has just come out of a relationship!

Most of the matches I got were interested in quick flings and nothing else, and this physically made me feel pretty worthless…

So I got 5 seconds of ego stroking when I got a match, that then resulted in me feeling worthless as a woman –  just what I needed after coming out of a miserable marriage!

My obsession with Tinder was going on about the same time I met the women of Wyld Tribe and their amazing team. I was originally very Intrigued and possibly skeptical about this group of women who seemed to dance around with face paint and feathers while they did some drumming and singing. Obviously that was my first impression!

Then I started listening, watching and experiencing them as a group.  The focus they put on respecting and honouring ourselves as women is inspiring and slightly humbling.

They reminded me that we don’t need men to define ourselves, which is what I was doing every time I swiped right. I want to make it clear, the Wyld Tribe women are not man haters or anti-men, they just believe in focusing on women as supporters of each other, in encouraging women to cheer each other on – rather than working against each other.

I’m still getting my head around Wyld Tribe, I still ask ALOT of questions, and the team are ridiculously patient with me!

All of their events, whether it’s Sistahood Circles, Wild Woman Weekend or even Sistahood Rising in November, focus on celebrating the feminine.

And that’s when I realised, sure I can swipe right as often as I want, but it doesn’t define me!  It doesn’t mean I’m a queen because I got a match from the cute surfer, or I’m a sexy goddess because the tattooed guy messaged me!

I’m a queen and a goddess, because I’m a woman! For no other reason.  Every morning I look in the mirror and tell myself, you are beautiful inside and out.

I still find myself getting that rush when I get a match, but I don’t let it define me as much as I used to.  Now, I know that yes it’s a nice feeling but it doesn’t change who I am – and if they choose to unmatch me, that’s their loss, not mine!

So thanks Wyld Tribe, I’m still the new girl trying to work you out and understand my place amongst this amazing group of women, but I’ve stopped seeing my matches as what defines me, I’m a woman and I’m pretty awesome – if the guys don’t see it, that’s their loss!  My loss is the time spent worrying about it which I have stopped doing – so I’m gaining confidence and extra time!

So what does this mean – I’m not anti Tinder or any of those dating apps, I’m just saying that it doesn’t define you – it doesn’t validate your self worth. You are in control of your self worth, but a few amazing women surrounding you definitely helps!

Helping your children make healthy choices – What to focus on and how to do it | Guest Writer Bethany Hatton

According to Psychology Today, healthy habits are established early in life and are very difficult to change. Sadly, society isn’t a great help in this regard — today’s entertainment platforms encourage sedentary behavior, sugar and processed foods are often directly marketed at children, and teens may face peer pressure to try smoking, alcohol, or drugs. All the more reason to start instilling and reinforcing healthy habits as early as possible. Here are some tips on how to go about it.

Healthy Eating

Healthy eating habits established in childhood predict obesity in later life, so it’s important to get your kids off to a good start. The first thing to realize is that almost all toddlers and young children are picky eaters, and it can take a lot of persistence before they start to accept new foods. You should also be careful not to turn healthy eating into a power struggle. Using pressure or coercion, such as not letting them have certain toys unless they eat their spinach, can lead to rebellion and resentment. Negotiation tactics, such as offering a cookie if they eat their vegetables, will also backfire because children will just learn to value desserts more than healthy food. Instead, be a good role model with your own dietary choices, eat as a family at the table, and give them some control over how much they eat — but not what they eat.

Limiting Caffeine

Doctors writing for Healthline point out that caffeine consumption in children can impair bone development, increase anxiety, affect sleep quality, and cause neurological problems — to name but a few side effects. The problem is not just the caffeine, but the sugar, colorings, and other additives that are usually present in energy drinks and sodas. In accordance with the division of responsibility in feeding, you decide what, when, and where to eat, and your children decide how much — so when it comes to caffeine, you are free to set the limits yourself. The occasional drink is fine, but in terms of the daily consumption of caffeine, it’s best to wait until late adolescence or early adulthood.

Minimize Stress

Unhealthy behaviors like binge eating, alcohol use, or smoking are very often a form of self-medication against stress. While difficult times will happen, you can still do your best to make home life as stress-free as possible. Start by keeping the house organized and clutter-free — mess leads to stress, as the saying goes. Keep adult or dangerous items out of children’s reach, including caffeinated drinks and unhealthy foods. Be a role model yourself by managing your own stress levels, and by talking to your children about your own feelings — in simple terms at first. This will help them develop the desire and vocabulary to come to you when they have troubles of their own.

Encourage Exercise

The fight against video games and gadgets is a tough one, but you can win it. Start by looking into your child’s own interests — if there is any physical activity they like, be it a sport, gardening, dancing, or playing the drums, encourage them to keep doing it. If they have an interest to start with, the battle is already half won. Next, do active activities together as a family — you could go to the park and throw a ball or frisbee around, go on a hike, or go on a family bike ride. This HuffPost article has some further suggestions on how to get kids into an exercise habit.

All children rebel against healthy habits, and it can sometimes feel like an uphill struggle to get kids to look after themselves. However, if you’re persistent, set fair boundaries, and act as a good role model yourself, you’ll have a great chance of breaking through the barriers and planting the seeds of healthy behaviors. Once planted, these seeds will grow into positive wellness habits that will last into adulthood.

Bethany Hatton

My Birth Story | Guest Writer Kimberley Major

In 2015, our first daughter’s entry into the world left me feeling helpless, anxious, questioning my body and womanhood and feeling cheated of a beautiful birth experience like I’d read and heard about so many times. I was induced at 11 days past my due date and after 12 hours of labour and many attempts to stabilise her heart rate, our daughter was born via emergency caesarean. I felt like I had failed her from the outset and I fell into a spiral of anxiety, fearing I’d ‘stuff up’ with her somehow and this time wouldn’t be so lucky. After counselling, support from my husband, family and friends, a lot of self-care and empowering myself through research, we decided to plan a VBAC when we fell pregnant with our second daughter. My husband and I attended VBAC workshops, worked alongside a student midwife and wrote a birthplan – including both VBAC and repeat caesarean wishes.

My main goal for my second labour and delivery was, that no matter how she was to arrive, I would get those first precious, goopy cuddles with her that I missed with our first daughter as she arrived struggling to breathe and required a lot of attention for what seemed like an eternity. She was all cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket by the time I got to hold her for the first time in recovery, and as precious as that moment was, I knew my hands had not been the first to be wrapped around her. My other main focus in my birth plan was that I wouldn’t be by myself in theatre. Of course, if it was needed (as with our first birth) my husband would go with baby so she was not on her own. This was a huge part of deciding to have a student midwife share our journey. I had hoped I would at least have her, should my husband need to be with baby. With our first daughter’s birth, I was left in a room of strangers, not knowing where my baby or my husband were or how my baby was. So, with these two main goals in mind, we waited for our second baby’s arrival.

I was pressured early on by the visiting obstetrician who performed scheduled caesareans, to book a date for a week before my due date. I was ok with having another caesarean if it came to that, but I was not ok with not giving my body a chance to do its thing. I declined at each appointment to schedule a date in. My due date was the 18th June and, on the 15th June, I reluctantly went along to my final appointment, knowing I would need to book in the following week for a repeat caesarean if baby had not arrived. I got out of the car as my husband pulled into the car park and as I stood in the hospital carpark and waited for him to join me, I felt a sudden pop and a gush down my legs. I looked down and my leggings were drenched through from top to bottom. My body had done it.

We were about to embark on our VBAC journey!

After a quick visit with the midwives to confirm my waters had in fact broken in the carpark, we returned home where I laboured, surrounded by my homemade birth affirmations, essential oils, my big baby girl and my husband. Into the late evening, my surges intensified and were getting closer and closer together. We phoned my student midwife who had been sitting exams all day and she suggested we meet at the hospital. We called my mum and she came to stay with our daughter. Little did I know that when Daddy had put her to bed that night, it would signify the end of our breastfeeding journey together – at 27 months she was still feeding to sleep most nights but that night began a new bedtime routine for her and her decision to not have any more milky cuddles.

Things went smoothly once we were settled in the birth suite and I continued to labour through the night and into the morning, with our impending bundle happily working her way down to meet us. Not once was there concern over her wellbeing, which gave me such fuel to ride each surge, knowing she was safe and coping well. At the morning change of shift, we got a beautiful new midwife and we discussed our birth wishes with her. She was so warm and nurturing and I felt completely at ease with her. I decided I wanted to have an epidural, hoping that it would ease the insane back labour I had been having for hours and it worked a treat. I could still feel my contractions but it took the edge off the back pain and allowed me some rest time.

Just after 10am, I suddenly got stabbing pains very low down. I was in more agony than I was with contractions and when my midwife came to check where the pain was, it was at my scar. My OB was called and after a quick check of what was happening, she said I was at 10cms and ready to push but that she feared I was having a uterine rupture. A Category 1 emergency caesarean was called. I thought my first birth had been a whirlwind when it came to surgery… it had nothing on this time. There were suddenly midwives and doctors rushing in and out of the room, loud machines were placed around my legs as we were being wheeled out (as there wasn’t time to put the very classy compression tights on) and before I knew it we were in the brightly lit surgery and I felt tugging and every single movement (not pain but so much movement, which I didn’t remember from the first time) while it was happening.

Because she was basically ready to rock, they needed to really dig around with forceps in my pelvis to get her out.

Very quickly, our beautiful midwife we had shared the morning with was suddenly up at my chest and her words ring so clearly as she cut my gown from me ‘I’ll probably get in trouble for this, but I don’t care!’ She pulled my gown down and at 10.19am on 16th June 2017, a goopy, warm and perfectly healthy little girl was placed on my chest! I was the first to hold her close at just seconds old and for the rest of my life, this precious memory will be etched in my mind. I continued to hold our daughter close and feed her when she went looking for a boob while the minutes ticked by and had no idea as to what was unfolding behind the curtain. They didn’t interrupt us for any measuring or checks, we just got to hold her close and take in the fact she was here and safe. Over an hour passed by and they weighed and measured her with my husband as we were getting ready to head out to recovery.

When we got back out to recovery we were told that my scar had thinned excessively, to the point of rupture and I had haemorrhaged during my surgery. I didn’t quite process it at this time, but I was very lucky. Recovery was not wonderful as my body had a lot to heal from but my labour and birth experience was so very different to my first and it was so healing in so many ways. I felt like my body had done what it needed to this time. I got to live out the labour I prepared for for months – labouring in and out of the bath at home, with my big baby girl by my side and surrounded by my positive birth space and despite the rush in the end, the whole experience had been relaxed and beautiful (well, as beautiful as labour can be!!)

And the hugest saving grace, was that skin to skin I got as soon as she was out. For my midwife to encompass how precious and vital that was for me, I cannot put into words. She gifted me so much healing in those moments and I’m eternally grateful for that. I’m also so grateful for the fact we have this life saving procedure and that my girls and myself are safely here today because I was able to have a caesarean. I don’t regret our decision to plan a VBAC. And we came so very, very close to fulfilling it. But in the end, the whole experience was a beautiful, healing and positive one and brought us the most perfect little Everley Kate.