This phrase rings true in just about every element of my life. Whether it be teaching, parenting, training or running a business. Five simple words that we can all consider to improve our own selves, the lives of our children and the loved ones in our lives.
Simply ask yourself, ‘How many times have you walked past litter on the ground?’ ‘How many times have you left your child on the iPad because it’s easier for you to get what needs doing done?’ ‘How many times have you given up during a workout or not completed the required exercises?’ Now remind yourself, you get what you accept.
Hat Number One: Mother
As a mother of a four year old, I am all too familiar with the daily challenge that is giving in to less than desirable behaviour. One thing I have learnt, is that persistence and consistency pays off. Stick to your guns, be consistent with your expectations and don’t give up! A slip here or there does not mean you’re failing as a parent, it means you’re human. Reset and start again, our mini-humans are experts at testing every boundary, we need to be experts at maintaining them.
Hat Number Two: Teacher
How often have you heard people say that their kids are perfect for others or well-behaved at school for their teachers? The answer here is simple (not simple to achieve but simple to explain). Most teachers have very clear boundaries and expectations that they work tirelessly throughout the year to uphold. How do you control a group of 30 children of all personality types and backgrounds? With clear, consistent expectations of behaviour. Teachers also have the added advantage of the ‘Mummy Guilt’ being an ineffective weapon against them. Us parents are suckers for the ‘mummy guilt’, but teachers simply state, ‘That doesn’t work in this classroom’ and everyone moves on 🙂
Hat Number Three: The Gym Junkie/Gym Owner
How many times has my alarm gone off to train early and I’ve not wanted to get out of bed? Hundreds. How many times have I not gotten up? Nil. I know once I hit the gym/the running track/the workout, I will get it done. It may not be my best performance but I will not accept copping out altogether. When it comes to training and running our gym, Family First Fitness, I accept nothing but commitment and effort. This is why I get results and so do all of our clients. They rise to our high expectations we set and model and we do not walk past poor form or half-hearted efforts. When it comes to life at Family First Fitness, you get what you accept! Awesomeness 🙂
Now, here are my ‘Top Tips’ to help you accept the best in life:
Enlist the assistance of others. You don’t have to do it all on your own. Whether it be a partner, a family member, a coach or a good friend. Ask for help if you’re tired or need a break, share the load. Maintaining high expectations on your own is a tough gig. Family and friends are there to help!
Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Start with one expectation at a time and grow from there. For example, don’t expect to exclude all unhealthy food from the family fridge, reinstate earlier bedtimes and ban technology all in one day. Getting what you accept is definitely a continual work in progress, just remember that once you have chosen not to accept something, stick to it!
Surround yourself with people who have high expectations. These role models in your life are great to be around and learn from. How do they parent, what training techniques do they enlist, how do they achieve harmony and balance in their life? I love the saying, ‘You are the average of your 5 closest friends.’ Now get out there and surround yourself with awesomeness!
Set the bar high. The higher the standards you set for yourself, the more you will achieve. I will never forget a very clever lady telling me once, that in the classroom, children will succeed at a level, approximately 80% of what has been set. So how do you achieve better results? Set the bar higher! I have used this as an analogy for life ever since and am continually striving to improve myself and those around me. Let’s all raise the bar!
For those of you who know me, or are familiar with my blogs, you will know that I like to keep things simple. By asking the question, ‘What you are accepting?’ You are getting the ball rolling to improve your health and wellness and that of your family too! So don’t walk past the rubbish on the ground, don’t cheat your workout and make sure you are leading by example – you never know who is accepting and learning from your behaviour.
Michelle is an educator, passionate about improving the health and well-being of children, families and classrooms!
On a Thursday afternoon in March, 2015, I vividly recall sitting next to my mum at a hairdressing appointment, and telling her I would do a pregnancy test the next day because I felt different. My boyfriend, Matt, and I, had been together for 18 months, and had been trying for a baby since August, 2014, after an all clear from our doctor following a diagnosis of ovarian cysts years earlier.
I received my diagnosis at the age of 21. I was told that there was a cyst blocking the eggs travelling down one of my fallopian tubes, which was sure to make conception difficult when I was ready to try. So I had been taking oral contraception to keep the symptoms at bay, with no true hope that I would ever become a mother. Between the time I received my diagnosis, and met and fell in love with Matt, I had moved homes and changed doctors. My new doctor was fabulous. She was so supportive and sent me for testing when I requested a follow up. I was so overjoyed when the results came back with no sign of cysts!
I was always hopeful. I kept a stock of home pregnancy tests on hand, and tracked my menstrual cycle, which turned out to be 35 days, not the typical 28. When I was later than usual for my menstrual bleed, I had a feeling something exciting was happening. As soon as I took a home pregnancy test and saw those two blue lines appear, I was shocked. I ran straight into Matt’s open arms and cried happy tears! We told our parents, who were overjoyed, especially Matt’s parents as it was their first grandchild. The news came not long after Matt’s Nan, Sally, sadly passed away on 26th February.
The Most Wanted Baby
We visited our GP, who confirmed the pregnancy and referred us for our dating ultrasound. I hadn’t had any morning sickness, though was feeling very tired. We scheduled our scan, and when we saw an empty sac on the screen our hearts dropped. The sonographer didn’t give us any information, but told us to return to our doctor. On our way to the doctor’s appointment, I was so nervous about what she was going to say, and ended up experiencing my first bout of morning sickness. We were so relieved to be told it was just too early for our growing embryo to be seen with an ultrasound, but I was definitely pregnant. We rescheduled our ultrasound for a few weeks later, when I was 7 weeks and 5 days along, and we got to see our little jelly bean for the first time. It was incredible!
The following weeks felt slow, but looking back now they went much too fast. I suffered from pretty painful round ligament pain, which not only caused me to head to hospital, but also made me physically ill. Luckily, it never lasted more than a couple of weeks at a time. Matt and I opted not to have the 12 week scan, so our next scan was the 19 week anatomy scan. I had booked in on the Tuesday, when I was exactly 19 weeks, but our little bubba was bouncing so much that the sonographer couldn’t get a clear picture of its heart. I had to reschedule not once, but twice more that week in the hope of a clearer reading, the final date happening to fall on Matt’s 25th birthday. He received a sweet birthday present when we found out we were expecting a little girl, and that she was perfectly healthy.
Our pregnancy continued smoothly, and we were excited to hear our baby’s heartbeat for the first time at 28 weeks. Everything was going well, and when I reached my due date, I was booked in for an induction for nine days later.
Then It Was Time
“9 months preparing to love for a lifetime.” – Unknown
The night before my induction, I booked into hospital. Matt and I had only spent a handful of nights apart during our two year relationship, so I was even more terrified at the thought of my induction starting overnight without him. I had no reason to be worried though; other than a couple of Braxton Hicks contractions, I made no progress, even after being administered two doses of Prostaglandin.
At 6.30am the next morning, I was led from my bed on the maternity ward to a labour and delivery room. I was hooked up to the Syntocinon (synthetic Oxytocin) drip around 7.30am, and by 8.30am I experienced my first, artificial contraction. My mum, Nikki, arrived around 9am, and Matt arrived by 10am. I was experiencing a contraction every two and a half minutes, and I was dismissing all offers of pain relief as I wanted to see if I could do it without them.
Sometime during the morning, the midwives changed shifts, and in walked the breath of fresh air that was Anna. Without her by my side that day, I’m positive my experience would have been very different. Matt had a nap around 1.30pm. Bless him. Watching your missus in labour is hard work!
Doctor Hannah arrived around 4pm to check my progress, as did my student midwife Stacey. At this time I had been labouring for 7.5 hours, every two and a half minutes. I was told I wasn’t progressing, and that it may be due to a narrow pelvis, so they were taking me to theatre for an emergency c-section. Surgery terrified me. I had undergone a number of surgeries as a young child. The thought of a c-section birth never occurred to me, not once. No-one in my family had undergone a c-section, other than my mother in law. Luckily, she and I had spoken about her three, very different, births, so I was somewhat prepared.
My Birth Story
I was unable to read the consent form through my tears. I remember without realizing I was crying until someone snapped me out of it and read the form to me. I think it was my sister, but my memory is a little foggy.
I had a catheter inserted (which either was completely painless or I was too side tracked to feel), and I was wheeled to theatre. I recall giggling my head off at Matt, who had worn thongs to the hospital that morning, and paired with his scrubs he looked hilarious. Then, it was time for me to go into theatre and receive my spinal tap, without Matt by my side. But Anna and Stacey were. I was still contracting even though they had disconnected the drip, so staying still with my back arched correctly was hard. I was crying (still? Or did I start again?), and I recall Anna wiping the tears away and holding my hand. That lady was a Godsend.
Before I knew it, I was laying down with Matt by my side, numb from the chest down. I said to Matt that I felt famous with all those people around, not to mention Anna running back and forth between the bottom end and the top, taking photos of our baby girl being born, while always being there to reassure me everything was okay. On the 26th November, at 6:22pm, our 7 pound 9 ounce daughter, Heather Nicole, was born. Her birth came exactly nine months after her great-Nans passing. She was perfect. I remember my very lovely anaesthetist calming my nerves by saying I can now tell everyone my baby had come out the sun roof.
My Breastfeeding Journey
Our breastfeeding journey began very fast, with her latching immediately after being placed on my chest. I was so relieved. I knew how common it was for people to experience breastfeeding issues following a c-section. It was painful, like I expected. I was still numb from surgery, but I could feel my breasts. Heather fed beautifully, and we ended up sharing my bed that night, as I couldn’t get up to get her when she cried. It was the best start to our journey together, not only as mother and daughter, but as nurser and nursling, and as bed-sharers.
My milk came in on day three while I was still in hospital recovering. It was painless; unlike I was warned it would be. During one of our nights in hospital, Heather wouldn’t settle. I kept trying to put her back in her cot when she fell asleep, but she kept waking up. I later learned there was a good reason for that, but the nurse on duty asked if she could give her formula to help, which I accepted, but was later relieved to find out they never needed. On day four, the Monday, we were discharged from hospital. Our breastfeeding journey was going really well, though I was yet to feel or sense a letdown, or any of the other sensations I’d heard so much about.
I had purchased a breast pump while I was pregnant, at the suggestion of others, so I was excited to go home and pump a bottle so Matt could feed Heather. I sterilised all the parts and set it up, and got comfortable and prepared to pump. I connected the pump to my breast and ensured it had a good seal, and turned the pump on. Everything seemed to be working right, I had followed advice from others about pumping, but after an hour, I hadn’t pumped a drop. I gave my nipple a gentle squeeze, and a couple of small drops appeared a few seconds later. Most other parents I had spoken to said they squirted like taps from day one, so why wasn’t I the same? I started questioning my supply, and wondering if I was starving Heather.
The next day, we returned to the hospital for our day five check-up. Heather was born at 3230g, and had dropped down to 10% less than her birth weight, and hadn’t gained much back, so I was concerned, even though the nurses didn’t seem to be. They told me not to worry, and that a nurse would be visiting our home on day ten for another check-up, so I was starting to feel a little more confident.
When Heather was ten days old, we received a visit from our Child Health Nurse, Alison. She was fantastic. She weighed Heather, and recorded that she had gained weight and was now well and truly above her birth weight. She told me that slower gains after birth are common with breastfed babies, and it’s nothing to worry about. She also reassured me that inability to pump is not an indication of low supply. That was like music to my ears. But she couldn’t tell me why I wasn’t experiencing a letdown or why my journey was otherwise painless.
Finding My Community
“Your GREATNESS is not what you have. But what you have to GIVE.”
Fast forward to August, 2016, when Heather was a little over six months old. We were going well with our breastfeeding journey, and I had found fantastic support from Facebook groups, especially Mandurah Breastfeeding Mamas, which shared a wealth of knowledge and never ending reassurance. I had been informed of an upcoming event in our local area, The Big Latch On, where breastfeeding parents all around the world gather to latch and feed at the same time in the hope of not only raising breastfeeding awareness, but attempt to beat the world record for most people breastfeeding around the world at the same time. I was so excited to be a part of something like this, so I confirmed my attendance and prepared myself mentally.
The morning of the event was a life changing one for me, for so many reasons. I have always suffered from various mental health issues, but one that has been harder to get a hold of is my anxiety, which sky rocketed after giving birth, and that morning it was really giving me hell. But, I drove down to the location of the event, parked my car, got Heather out, and slowly walked towards the entrance. I stopped. My feet wouldn’t take me through the entrance into the room filled with breastfeeding parents and their supporters.
Then, I saw Ashleigh, with her beautiful baby twins and her toddler son, appearing to be fighting the same inner battle I was. I stepped out of my very small comfort zone and approached her, asking if she’d need some help with getting her babies inside. She looked at me, with so much hope and gratitude, and accepted my offer. We walked in together, with my anxiety melting away, all thanks to her (and I am very happy to report she and I have remained close friends since this day. So much of my life today is thanks to Ash).
Inside the event, I met an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). I can’t remember her name, but after one quick chat with her, my breastfeeding experience has never been the same. I mentioned all the things that seemed to be so different for me compared to others I’d spoken to – the inability to pump, lack of engorgement, no let downs, no pain, no leaking, never feeling full or knowing if my breasts are even holding milk – and she told me that one in five breastfeeding parents are exactly like me! That means that out in the world, 20% of people with the ability to produce breast milk have experiences very similar to mine. I WAS NOT ALONE ANYMORE. I WAS ONE IN FIVE.
Eighteen months later, I am still to meet another breastfeeding parent who is part of the one in five, though it hasn’t stopped me from telling people about my experience and reassuring them that everyone’s journey is completely different.
Look How Far We Have Come
Heather has just turned two. We are still breastfeeding, with no apparent end in sight. I aim to let her naturally wean when she is ready. We have also bed-shared for every night of her life, which has been beneficial to us all. I was appointed as one of the admins of Mandurah Breastfeeding Mamas over a year ago, and co-hosted the 2017 Big Latch On in Mandurah alongside the other admins and members. I also launched my own business, Kym’s Boobie Kookies – Fed With Love, in June, 2017, that produces foods that assist breastfeeding parents in boosting their breast milk supply, as well as products aimed at pregnant people or those with low iron, protein or fibre, and offers continuous breastfeeding support to those who need and want it, with a welcoming support group for breastfeeding parents and advocates.
If you’re due to give birth soon, and the thought of a c-section never occurred to you, I urge you to read up, even just a little, on the procedure and what you may be in for. And if you plan to breastfeed and want to give yourself the best chance, join support groups, lean on other breastfeeding parents, call the Australian Breastfeeding Association (on 1800 MUM2MUM or 1800686268), don’t buy a breast pump, dummies or bottles (until and if you actually need them – I didn’t), and most of all, trust yourself. Having faith in your body to do what it is designed to do (even if your birth didn’t go to plan) is by far the most vital part to any breastfeeding journey. You can do this!
All I ever wanted to be was a mother. Ever since I was a young girl, I had a way with babies, and dreamed of the day I’d be blessed with my own.
That day came before I knew it, and my life felt complete, as I held the most perfect little boy in my arms.
When I fell pregnant, my husband and I had decided to do what we thought was best, and that was for me to breastfeed. I never thought about it, as for me, it was the norm. My mother was a CHN, LC and midwife for many years, who breastfed my siblings and I long in to toddlerhood. Because of her experience and knowledge, I knew I could turn to her in times of need.
After a traumatic, long and exhausting birth, I cradled my son close to my body and was waiting for him to do the ‘breast crawl’ and latch on to my nipple. He opened his mouth and I put my nipple it. He began to cry. I tried again. He screamed louder.
What was I doing wrong? I had laboured for over 2 days, was rushed to theatre, was numb from the waist down, and all I wanted was to nurse my newborn! I thought it was as easy as putting your nipple into their mouth….how wrong I was! Luckily mum and my husband Chris were by my side to help relax me and assist with our son’s latch.
Still, I felt it to be unsuccessful. It was midnight by this stage and I had to go to the ward. The whole breastfeeding experience got worse. Due to the anaesthetic, I was unable to move my lower body, meaning I had to call a nurse every time Isaac stirred. Each one that came in had a different approach in assisting a latch; one nurse would grab my nipple and shove it in Isaac’s mouth, another would try and stimulate Isaac’s reflex by moving my nipple up and down on his top lip. He was jaundiced, so I had to feed every 3 hours. My nipples were blistered and bleeding. I wasn’t able to sleep because of the fucking bell going off 24/7, I was sweating heavily and felt extremely irritable. I needed to get home!
I was ready to give up, but my dedicated and some-what stubborn nature prevailed. We got home and that night my milk came in. Finally! I began feeding him standing up, as he was latching properly, but knew it wasn’t a long-term thing. At last! We discovered the perfect positions, and after a few days, my confidence started to show.
The hard part was over! Right? Once again, wrong. I had an oversupply of milk, a fast letdown, vasospasm, Isaac had a CMPI (Cow’s Milk Protein Intolerance) and throw PNA in the mix! He was constantly windy. I’m talking, leg curling, fist clenching, lung screaming pain. My poor baby. I felt I had failed. My nipples were raw from him sucking all the time and no matter what I did, he just couldn’t get comfortable. Sleep was an issue because of the other things, and I began to feel like I was drowning. In the midst of this emotional roller coaster was also the whole journey of becoming a ‘first time mum’. Overwhelmed is an understatement.
There’s social media, Google, parenting blogs, parenting websites, breastfeeding websites, family, friends and insignificant others all bombarding you with conflicting information and opinions. The hardest part was yet to come. I thought that when you have a child, you want to breastfeed it. I thought that most women breastfed, that it was the normal thing to do. Apparently not. I felt quite isolated in a way. I was one of the only mothers I knew who was breastfeeding, and more importantly, because I wanted to, and not because I felt I had to. I felt sad for the babies that had mothers who didn’t want to breastfeed. I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to, especially to begin with. How do you make a decision like that, even with scientific research and studies to show the benefits? I do realise that some mothers literally can’t exclusively breastfeed, but also know that when there’s a will, there’s a way! (I do respect other mother’s decisions)
I had no idea that breastfeeding was such a HUGE deal in society, and that women were trying to #normalise breastfeeding through the use of social media. Wow! What a lot of shit to digest. So much judgement from random people about a baby being breastfed in public! What an upside-down world we live in…
“While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby.”
When Isaac was about 6 months old, not sleeping, wanting to breastfeed 24/7 with an emotional wreck of a mother, I decided to use the power of social media to find me some other like-minded friends. I found lots of different Facebook groups, one in particular that struck a nerve was the Human Milk 4 Human Babies Facebook page. It was a Facebook page used for breastmilk donations for women with low supply, prem babies or mothers who just didn’t want to give their child formula or cows milk. My heart swelled as I began to scroll-faith had been restored. So many women were offering their liquid gold to others in need. I HAD to be apart of this beautiful act of kindness. Isaac never took a bottle/dummy. Just needed a nipple (haha). I had so much EBM in the freezer that I was thinking about chucking out. Sooo glad I didn’t!
Over the next 6 months, I was able to donate to an amazing mother who fed (still feeding @ 23 mo) through a SNS due to lack of milk glands. Every time she would come to collect milk, I’d look at her beautiful son, and feel so proud that I was able to help him thrive, not to mention forming a friendship with the mother.
Fast forward to now and Isaac is 21 months old. Our breastfeeding journey is still very much alive, but as your child gets older, a whole other can of worms is opened.
“When are you going to wean him?”
“He doesn’t NEED breastmilk anymore, he’s over one!”
“You’ve made a rod for your own back. He will only sleep if you feed him and depends on you.”
“Wean him when he’s finished teething.”
“When’s he going on a bottle?”
“You’re STILL breastfeeding!?”
Unwanted opinions from family, friends and others. You just can’t win. You don’t breastfeed and you’re a ‘bad mother’. You do breastfeed past 1 and you NEED to stop and get your pre-baby independence back. I will breastfeed OUR child until WE are ready to finish our journey, and that is entirely up to Isaac and myself. No matter how much you try and educate people with studies from the WHO etc, views cannot be changed. Breast is best.
The past 21 months have been nothing short of amazing, exhausting, testing and most of all rewarding. I have grown as a person, a mother and partner. My view of the world has changed, and my resentment towards my mother’s decisions all those years ago have finally made sense. I appreciate everything. Every sunrise and every sunset. Since giving birth, the saying ‘life flashes before your eyes’ has finally hit home. Each day rolls in to the next, and each waking moment, I’m able to see our perfect son learn and develop. As a mother, you’re never going to please everyone. Motherhood is about you and your child. What works for you, may not work for another, and vice versa. What every mother needs to remember is; you’re doing a fantastic job! You are enough. You are loved. You are more than just a mother, you are YOU and most of all, YOU know what’s best for you and your child. No amount of information, social media or opinions are going to change the maternal bond you have with your child. I’m so blessed that Isaac chose me to be his mother.
” The life of a mother is the life of a child: You are two blossoms on a single branch.”