Why swiping right is not always the answer | Guest Writer Skye Pember

After spending the last 2 years of my 14 year relationship and marriage feeling very lonely and unloved, what was the first thing I did when I separated from my now ex husband?

You guessed it, I signed up for Tinder and started swiping.  Mainly to the left (that means i’m not interested) but the right swipe got a lot of interest as well.  At first it was a lot of fun, it was like a smorgasbord of men and I could say yes or no in 1 second!

It was quite a powerful feeling. I got a lot of matches, which meant I got a lot of ego satisfaction.  It was almost like a little ‘yes’ moment, I got a match, this must validate how amazing I am.

Except it really didn’t.  For every right swipe and match, at least 1 out of 3 would be an immediate unmatch, meaning these guys swipe on every girl and when they get a match they decide if they like her or not. Such a good feeling for an insecure woman who has just come out of a relationship!

Most of the matches I got were interested in quick flings and nothing else, and this physically made me feel pretty worthless…

So I got 5 seconds of ego stroking when I got a match, that then resulted in me feeling worthless as a woman –  just what I needed after coming out of a miserable marriage!

My obsession with Tinder was going on about the same time I met the women of Wyld Tribe and their amazing team. I was originally very Intrigued and possibly skeptical about this group of women who seemed to dance around with face paint and feathers while they did some drumming and singing. Obviously that was my first impression!

Then I started listening, watching and experiencing them as a group.  The focus they put on respecting and honouring ourselves as women is inspiring and slightly humbling.

They reminded me that we don’t need men to define ourselves, which is what I was doing every time I swiped right. I want to make it clear, the Wyld Tribe women are not man haters or anti-men, they just believe in focusing on women as supporters of each other, in encouraging women to cheer each other on – rather than working against each other.

I’m still getting my head around Wyld Tribe, I still ask ALOT of questions, and the team are ridiculously patient with me!

All of their events, whether it’s Sistahood Circles, Wild Woman Weekend or even Sistahood Rising in November, focus on celebrating the feminine.

And that’s when I realised, sure I can swipe right as often as I want, but it doesn’t define me!  It doesn’t mean I’m a queen because I got a match from the cute surfer, or I’m a sexy goddess because the tattooed guy messaged me!

I’m a queen and a goddess, because I’m a woman! For no other reason.  Every morning I look in the mirror and tell myself, you are beautiful inside and out.

I still find myself getting that rush when I get a match, but I don’t let it define me as much as I used to.  Now, I know that yes it’s a nice feeling but it doesn’t change who I am – and if they choose to unmatch me, that’s their loss, not mine!

So thanks Wyld Tribe, I’m still the new girl trying to work you out and understand my place amongst this amazing group of women, but I’ve stopped seeing my matches as what defines me, I’m a woman and I’m pretty awesome – if the guys don’t see it, that’s their loss!  My loss is the time spent worrying about it which I have stopped doing – so I’m gaining confidence and extra time!

So what does this mean – I’m not anti Tinder or any of those dating apps, I’m just saying that it doesn’t define you – it doesn’t validate your self worth. You are in control of your self worth, but a few amazing women surrounding you definitely helps!

Helping your children make healthy choices – What to focus on and how to do it | Guest Writer Bethany Hatton

According to Psychology Today, healthy habits are established early in life and are very difficult to change. Sadly, society isn’t a great help in this regard — today’s entertainment platforms encourage sedentary behavior, sugar and processed foods are often directly marketed at children, and teens may face peer pressure to try smoking, alcohol, or drugs. All the more reason to start instilling and reinforcing healthy habits as early as possible. Here are some tips on how to go about it.

Healthy Eating

Healthy eating habits established in childhood predict obesity in later life, so it’s important to get your kids off to a good start. The first thing to realize is that almost all toddlers and young children are picky eaters, and it can take a lot of persistence before they start to accept new foods. You should also be careful not to turn healthy eating into a power struggle. Using pressure or coercion, such as not letting them have certain toys unless they eat their spinach, can lead to rebellion and resentment. Negotiation tactics, such as offering a cookie if they eat their vegetables, will also backfire because children will just learn to value desserts more than healthy food. Instead, be a good role model with your own dietary choices, eat as a family at the table, and give them some control over how much they eat — but not what they eat.

Limiting Caffeine

Doctors writing for Healthline point out that caffeine consumption in children can impair bone development, increase anxiety, affect sleep quality, and cause neurological problems — to name but a few side effects. The problem is not just the caffeine, but the sugar, colorings, and other additives that are usually present in energy drinks and sodas. In accordance with the division of responsibility in feeding, you decide what, when, and where to eat, and your children decide how much — so when it comes to caffeine, you are free to set the limits yourself. The occasional drink is fine, but in terms of the daily consumption of caffeine, it’s best to wait until late adolescence or early adulthood.

Minimize Stress

Unhealthy behaviors like binge eating, alcohol use, or smoking are very often a form of self-medication against stress. While difficult times will happen, you can still do your best to make home life as stress-free as possible. Start by keeping the house organized and clutter-free — mess leads to stress, as the saying goes. Keep adult or dangerous items out of children’s reach, including caffeinated drinks and unhealthy foods. Be a role model yourself by managing your own stress levels, and by talking to your children about your own feelings — in simple terms at first. This will help them develop the desire and vocabulary to come to you when they have troubles of their own.

Encourage Exercise

The fight against video games and gadgets is a tough one, but you can win it. Start by looking into your child’s own interests — if there is any physical activity they like, be it a sport, gardening, dancing, or playing the drums, encourage them to keep doing it. If they have an interest to start with, the battle is already half won. Next, do active activities together as a family — you could go to the park and throw a ball or frisbee around, go on a hike, or go on a family bike ride. This HuffPost article has some further suggestions on how to get kids into an exercise habit.

All children rebel against healthy habits, and it can sometimes feel like an uphill struggle to get kids to look after themselves. However, if you’re persistent, set fair boundaries, and act as a good role model yourself, you’ll have a great chance of breaking through the barriers and planting the seeds of healthy behaviors. Once planted, these seeds will grow into positive wellness habits that will last into adulthood.

Bethany Hatton

The secret life of a Food Blogger…… | Guest Writer Claire from Sprinkles & Sprouts

I am running around like a headless chicken. I have 30 minutes to vacuum the floor, hang the washing out and clear away the breakfast things before I start work.

I get it done, but I know there is still dust behind the sofa……hell there is dust on the side table too. I really should strip the beds whilst the sun is shining, but I also have a load of towels that need to wash. But it all has to wait….I have 5 hours before school pick up.

And now starts the craziness. I have a four recipes to re-test, three extra recipes to shoot and one recipe to write up, post and social media the bejesus out of.

I hit social media, the US is still awake and I can get some good traction on yesterdays post. I check my stats, they are down on last week. I curse the summer body diet, no one wants gooey cheese and potatoes when they are trying to get into a bikini. Well apart from me, I always want cheese….and anyway do they even make bikinis in a size 18? I admit I haven’t looked! Why would I…I love cheese!

I find all the salads on my blog…it doesn’t take long. I schedule them out to hit pinterest overnight. Thank you tailwinds I love that you do the work whilst I get some sleep!

I continue my push for social media domination, until facebook decides I have cleared posted too much. It deletes my latest comment as soon as I hit enter. Time to walk away from the computer before they ban me for 3 days….It happened once, it wasn’t pretty!

Fast forward two hours as I burn my wrist getting a tray out the oven and drop the tray over the floor. Looking at the brown sugar glazed bacon chicken bites, I want to cry……I know they are good, I have made them so many times before, but I was so looking forward to them. I pick them off the floor, and start to place them back on the tray. They are no longer fit to eat but they will still take a decent photo….at least all isn’t wasted.

I tell myself not to feel bad. It isn’t like I am throwing away edible food. I am certain there is dog hair on that bit….hmmm maybe I will give that one straight to the dog….At least someone gets to enjoy them. Start to wonder if a dog should have bacon and brown sugar…too late she has demolished the bits left on the floor….I still have enough…just….. I’ may have to crop the photo slightly and maybe rearrange them on the plate, take a second photo and merge the two! Or I can wait until the weekend when I’ll make them again when our neighbours come over……

Later I open the fridge to grab the cheese for a hot dip…..it has vanished! I know I bought some, I have the receipt and I have already scanned it into my computer ready to file for tax. Someone has eaten my bloody cheese!!!! Tell myself I really need a seperate fridge…hell I really need a seperate office with kitchen, studio and computer space. Remind myself I have already costed that out and there are so many other things we could do with that money. Like take the kids to Europe for Christmas, let them spend a wintery Christmas with their grandparents. Tell myself that I am a selfish mother and I should stop moaning about a sodding block of cheese and a massive fridge. Feel shit so steal the last white chocolate lindt easter egg. Fingers crossed the kids don’t notice!

I pack the dishwasher, open the cupboard and realise there are no tablets left. Bugger!!! I have a kitchen of dirty dishes and 3 recipes left to cook. I squirt washing up liquid into the dishwasher, press go and hope for the best.

I run outside to cut some fresh basil…one of the only plants my lovely goat hasn’t decimated!!! I’m in my ‘work uniform’ aka black yoga pants and a white vest top, I didn’t do my hair this morning and yesterdays mascara is still streaked across my face, just as I reach the vegetable garden I hear a “g’day”. It’s Fred, the postie, and as I take our mail and make small talk, all the time I am thinking, “This is the forth day in a row he has seen me in what are essentially pj’s. I bet he thinks I never get dressed!”

I go in and put my bra on…a little too late but I resolve tomorrow to have it on before he arrives!!!!

No time to think about. I have a pasta dish to shoot. The plate is wrong, the napkin is wrong, the light is just urgh and no matter what I do I cannot make this amazing delicious dish look amazing! I want to cry. It is 1:45 and I have less than an hour of my working day left.

I take a million shots from 10 different angles and hope for the best. I’ll fix in post later. I mute the voice inside that says ‘you’ll have to spend 10 times as long editing these. You haven’t got the hero shot’ I continue to ignore her as I grab the so perfectly placed fork and shovel now slightly cold pasta into my mouth. MAN I LOVE CARBS

The buzzer goes and I run from my studio back to the kitchen to remove a chicken from the oven and slip the baked cheesecake in. I forget to turn the heat down….I remember as I am half way through shooting the chicken. I run back to the kitchen. Turn the oven down and head back to my shoot. If the cheesecake isn’t ruined at least I can tell the readers my funny story and let them know that 10 minutes in an oven that is 30ºC too hot, makes no difference.

I finished my chicken, reach for a gorgeous cake platter that I picked up in an op shop in Donnybrook, it slips and smashes to the floor. Damn you roast chicken and your greasy goodness!!! Had I not stolen a sneaky bite, I might still have my beautiful platter. I look at the broken base and wonder, can I glue it? Or will it always show. Will I spend every shoot trying to position the platter just so. I can’t decide and I have no time, so I shove it back on my props shelving and reach for another platter. Cheesecake shoot here we come.

My school alarm goes and I am just finished. My kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it and I can see bubbles escaping from the bottom of the dishwasher (note to self don’t use washing up liquid in the dishwasher again!)

No time to worry about that now, I have two cherubs to pick up.

I plug my phone in and dictate myself a blog post as I drive to school. I’m a little late, the bell hasn’t gone but the car park is rammed! I squeeze my tiny car into a space that everyone else couldn’t use and smile a slightly smug smile. The smile doesn’t last long. As I get out of the car I realise I have cheesecake mixture on my yoga pants and something brown on my vest. Hmmmm I think it is is bourbon maple glaze from my roast chicken dish. But hey at least I went and put that bra on!

No time to think about it, I walk to my sons classroom, sunglasses firmly over my eyes, avoiding any eye contact. I am thinking about the 20 things I need to do later. Planning my evening. I don’t have time to small talk…plus I hate it.

No luck, the small brigade of Mum’s who just make me feel bad are there in force. Today they need us ‘stay at home mums’ to spend a day painting a fence. I grit my teeth, say sorry I can’t spare the time and walk away from ‘the look’.

What a day!

I catch one of my besties smile, I am about to say hi, when our other bestie appears. They know!!My clothes and hair say it all “We still on for gin night on Saturday?” “Hell yes!”…my day gets a little better.

Then the classroom door opens and my youngest whirlwind sprints towards me and gives me the biggest of hugs. My day is 1000% improved.

I get back to the car and my eldest (who is now too cool and too old to be collected from his classroom…..where did that time go!!!!) says “You look messy Mummy, I bet there is some good food for afternoon tea” my day improves again.

Homework, washing, kids dinner. 8pm all quiet. I re-heat the bourbon roast chicken for Stew. He is over the moon happy with it, licks his lips and smiles when I tell him there is cheesecake for dessert. “You look after us so well”

I smile as I sit down at my desk, I reply to a few emails, message my business coach and start some sharing and marketing of my latest post. It is after 11pm when I am done.

I walk to the bathroom to have a shower, and as the water washes over me I think ‘Damn my day was good’!!!!

More of the same tomorrow…..

—————

It isn’t easy working for yourself and it isn’t easy working from home. But when I decided that my little blog was going to become my full-time business I made myself a promise, I would give it my best. I would work my ass off to make it a success. And hey if it didn’t succeed at least I could say I gave it everything I had. I’ve had some very tough times, time I really didn’t think I would bounce back from. But I kept slogging away, working, learning and never giving up.

I am lucky. I had a support network.

I have some beautiful friends who can lift my day just by smiling (and mentioning gin). They always take my food handouts and I know I can meet them and just feel better about myself.

I have a wonderful business coach, who believed in me from the beginning. Who gave me so many tips that I should probably be making her a cake on a weekly basis.

I have met some amazing bloggers who share and support each other, we are spread over the world, and even though some of us have never met in person, we are like one big office of co-workers. Seriously the world of bloggers is a supportive place.

I have a family who support what I do, supported me in the beginning when I couldn’t take photos and when 200 views a day was the most I ever thought I would get.
A family who appreciate the food, which is the point of it all. Without the food I would just be a girl with a computer and not much to say! I also have a partner who will work way into the night to fix an issue for me, because he knows I am stressed, he knows it matters to me and he is my tech guy!

Finding the support is vital, you may run our own businesses but you aren’t not an island, you don’t have to be cut off. Find your group, your village, your possie. Whatever you want to call it.

FIND THE PEOPLE WHO WILL RISE YOU UP.

Find them and love them, hold on to them and push for your dreams.

Your village will make a difference, for me they gave me something so very valuable…something I couldn’t have found on my own. They gave me self belief.

I am still learning it and I still have moments of doubt, moments when I judge myself, moments when I think I am not good enough.

But when I feel like that I remind myself, I knew nothing when I started. I learnt a whole new computer programme, I learnt to take a decent photo, I learnt to edit photos, I built up my knowledge of SEO in the every changing landscape of Google, I hit pinterest by storm and racked up 2 million monthly viewers. I did that and I am a little bit proud.

So, yes, working from home for yourself isn’t easy, but with the support of people who love you….you can achieve your dreams.